Being Brave

Posted: March 24, 2016 in Team
Tags: , , , , ,

braveMy natural personality is more introverted. My natural reaction to conflict is  avoidance where possible. These personal attributes often make some of what I, as an Agile Coach, need to do, quite challenging. This week there were two conversations that I knew I had to have. One was with my Product Owner around something he had done that had affected me negatively on an emotional level. The second was with a ‘difficult’ team member who was responding to me quite defensively in sessions and I needed to unpack the why. Neither of these were conversations I relished having (especially as I would need to raise the topic of discussion) and they caused me at least one sleepless night.

Thankfully, over the years, I have had training in various ways to open conversations like these and I often rely on this training to try to at least start the conversation off with the right language and framing (invariably the wheels do fall off as the conversation progresses). One of my favourite fall-backs is the “I think, I feel, I need” tool which, as artificial as it sounds and feels, seems to work really nicely – especially when you’re raising something where the impact on you is subjective (like an emotion). I also try to remember to focus on describing actions and behaviours rather than attributes and, finally, to try to start any question with “What”. As I mentioned, I try. I’m not always successful 🙂

Anyway, in both cases this week, I kicked off the session with much trepidation, introduced the elephant I wanted to discuss, and then mentally closed my eyes and waited for the fall-out, unsure of whether I had the courage to face whatever that fall-out was in a constructive way. Thankfully, for both, there was no real fall-out and I felt that we managed to have a constructive conversation without damaging any relationships. I ended the day feeling quite buoyant and really grateful that I had screwed my courage to the wall to have both conversations. Being brave usually pays off, you see, because often what we fear is only in our own heads.

What are the things that you fear in your role? What tools and techniques do you use to help you feel more brave?

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